Saturday, July 11, 2020

Locked down: Physical, Mental & Emotional !!!



I am forcing myself to write this post.

I have harnessed all my mental energy to concentrate, think and come up with some good content that I can write.
And its taking me lot of determination and enormous will power to keep my butt  glued to the seat  and my fingers to keep typing!!

Folks, I am Exhausted, Drained out. Totally burnt out!!
Burned out by doing just about nothing !!!

4 months into lock down has left me burdened with physical & mental fatigue.  Locked up inside my home with no 'active'  activity status  has paralyzed me.

Yes,  I am totally drained out  – on all my axis of life, be they physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically  etc & etc.
And the worst of all, I do not see the end of the tunnel.
And as positive cases keep rising  in Bangalore we seem to be digging deeper into the tunnel!

When the first voluntary lock down was announced by our PM, I was enthusiastic. And I also banged my table spoon on my stainless steel thali as loud as I could.
And when the full lock down was announced two days later, I was actually excited at the thought that we are successfully going to beat the COVID-19 hands down.
And I eagerly participated and diligently stood in silence for 9 minutes (when all the nine planets were in alignment) with a huge candle in my hands and thanked all the COVID-19 Warriors.

It seems years have passed since those good times.
  
And slowly, month by month & week by week, all that enthusiasm has ebbed out.

I no longer feel motivated or happy or even convinced that what I am doing the right thing. There is an unsettling sense of fear and insecurity hanging over everywhere. And Bangalore appears to be a ghost  city.  Empty roads and silent evenings.

And I am getting tired of ‘being tired of doing nothing’.
Or doing things with least effort.

 For example, over the last few months, 80% of our entire household shopping was done exclusively by my right-hand forefinger clicking on the mouse!!  
And I sometime get nightmares that I have morphed into a gnome like creature with big  bulging eyes, an enormous forehead and a huge pointy finger. Rest of my body have atrophied due to lack of use – just like the chimp’s tail after it evolved into a human being.
Now imagine how exciting can that be.

And my life is totally devoid any excitement. No  adrenaline rush.
No joy of achievement either.

As the wise one said
The apples on the highest branch are the sweetest!!
So, the more you struggle, the happier you get when you succeed!!

Going out in my car is no longer a fun and an adventurous activity.
My drive from SP exit gates to Anand Sweets in Anjaneya complex takes just under 12 minutes now.
And I do not feel good and accomplished when I return home after buying a few samosas and Dhoklas - all within 35 minutes!!
And what a shame that is.

And I recollect those wonderful days when..

It took a minimum of  3 mins to bully myself  thru the traffic at the exit gate, and successfully negotiate  a U-Turn (amongst loud honkings)  and squeeze my car between a tempo and a Autorikshaw.
That was exciting & fun  and it required great skill!!

Then another 3 minutes wait at the signal before taking a left turn on to the HAL airport road.
And this time i would watch the tempo in front of me laden with household stuff (someone is shifting house, I conclude),
And the I check out the smart lady in a shiny red VW Polo next to my car, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel (A fast beat I am guessing) .  And wow, fancy shades, and an intricate mehndi design on her fair forearms (whats the occasion, I wonder ??).

And before I exercise my observation powers further the sign flips green & I start to zip on the HAL road before hitting the brakes near the HAL museum.

And then accelerate again only to hit a traffic jam at HAL main gate.

And that’s a good 7 minutes during which you can hear Phil Collins  singing  Su Su Suyaa (Sussudio) and How many times I am going to say I am sorry (Something happened on the way to heaven) !!
And before Britney Spear launches a peppy number the lights turn green and off you go speeding.

Not for long.   The huge Volvo airport shuttle  is just negotiating a laborious u-turn in front of Babasaheb Ambedkar statue.

And before you touch 60 Kmph., you are in front of Rajeshwari theater where you pause for a few long seconds and then quickly join the long queue in front of ICICI bank.

That wind tunnel road signal is notorious for its long waits. More than 10 minutes at times!
And to set the mood for this long wait you switch on to that nasal voiced Mukesh album.
Starting with  ‘Dost Dost naa raha ‘  to ‘Janey Kahan Gaye woh din’ you can listen patiently to both these soulful songs and go half way into 'Main toh deewana, deeewana ....) by the time you get cleared with a green signal.

And then if you are lucky, you can reach Anand’s without touching yr brakes any further.
Oops, not true. You have another hurdle at Manipal Hospital where frisky folks are challenging you to break their bones.

And after managing to double park your car in font of the huge tree, you walk into the busy shop. Takes some smart effort to get the attention of the attendant before you get your Dhoklas and Samosas packed and paid for.

Then you take a long ride up to Domlur before making a u-turn for return.

And this time we have  a traffic jam in front of HDFC where the road is narrowed for constructing an underpass and then another long queue at the signal near HAL main gate.

This one could be frustrating especially when the unending line of HAL buses come out after the morning shift closes.
And this time you do not check out other  female drivers nor listen to soulful music. You just grit your teeth and keep on swearing!!  You have been in the car for more than an hour, your butt is hot and sweaty (and itchy as well) and   you want to get home asap!!
And it takes another 20 minutes before reaching SP Gates.

And when you reach home, you turn on the fan/AC and plonk yourself into your favorite sofa, you feel real, real satisfied. A great achievement – you have managed to get the snacks well before the teatime! Congratulate yourself!!

I went to SBI HAL branch a few days back .
And I got my FDs renewed in a zip.
 There was no crowd and it was so quick that I almost felt cheated and deprived of the usual SBI bank experience& ambiance  that I was  so much used to all these years.

As one stand up comedian said, the SBI bank is like the Café Coffee Day for all senior citizens and retired government servants and pensioners. They primarily come to the bank for socializing and, by the way fill up the entries in their pass-book!! 
I sorely missed standing in those long lines patiently waiting for my turn, striking up a conversation with the ancient and wizened folks in front of and behind me. And sometimes I would let an old lady get in front of me and feel very proud of my chivalry !!!

And come to think of it , it’s been more than 5 months since I got held up in traffic because of a VIP movement!!  Why aren’t these politicians driving on the HAL airport anymore??  
We are losing that connect & emotional attachment with our Netas !!!

Its so depressing on the roads.
NO Life. NO smoke. NO blaring horns, NO Auto rattle, NO two wheeler revving engines, and what I miss most is that wonderful steady low-pitched thud of the four stroke Royal Enfield Bullet !!!

And folks, now you realize where were those Achhey Dins ??
And when will they return. 
Do we have any local Nostradamus??

Krish..

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