Zeldomna !!

Zeldomna !!

A racy children’s fantasy Novella !!

Novella = A short,  long story. Could be a part of a much longer full novel.

Zeldomna is an interesting and imaginative story.

Written by a young adult.

For the consumption of children and early teens.

And if my assumption of the target readership is correct, then this book is a delightful reading for such young folks.

A fantasy story of adventure.

3 kids (girls) run off from their unhappy orphanage in search of a better and a happier world.

Armed with a prophecy and a map and lots of guts and enthusiasm and of course, tons of hope!!

And they are joined by 2 more boys in search of thrill and adventure.

And they go on an interesting treasure hunt deciphering the clues that are set in a prophecy which leads them to the next prophecy and so on until the last one  would, in turn  lead them to their promised lad !

So, this book is  

Short and sweet

Starts with a sad & gloomy beginning

Picks up pace with a suspense, discovers a ’prophecy’!

Builds up some good action and thrill that can make a young reader’s heart (& pulse) beat faster.

Nice plot that is dramatized very well.

And it is bound to keep a pair of eyes glued to the screen until the end.

And an abrupt ending though.

But then the kids have reached Zeldomna – their  El Dorado !!   

So why continue to write any further?  Good thinking!!

Now my reaction after reading this Novella ?

I guess I expected more – both in content and quality.

And especially since I have briefly interacted with this young author and can guess her potential.

And what I am commenting now are my own personal views.

And they are in no way a judgment on what is written and what is good or what is not.

And it is purely based on what else I would have loved to read while browsing thru Zeldomna.

Whenever I read and finish a great book, I automatically visualize the place, the settings, and characters.  

And many times, I can draw parallels to real life scenes, places and people.

Many times, I also dream on some specific instances and identify myself with one of the characters.

And that is because the scenes and characters are so well described and in such graphic details that they leave a lasting impression in my mind.

Sadly, Zeldoomna had no such effect on me.

For a starter, what type of a place in Zeldomna??

Even though it is an imaginary place, it would have been nice if it had some coordinates.

I googled on Zeldomna and I got one paragraph written in Russian!! So not much to go with.

And all I can recollect is that it is a gloomy  place where it rains throughout the day.

What else??  Is Z a village, a town or a city (all abandoned of course)

Are there many streets, old dilapidated buildings, parks, churches, shops, markets? Maybe a river, a pond, a hillock??

And there must be other people too – old-timers like Mr. Kristof

And how does a typically day in Z look like.

I would have liked to imagine & mentally wander around the streets of Z and feel for myself, the sadness, the despair and gloom myself.

And the book is totally focused on action and conversations. 

While this sets a racy pace, it dilutes the deeper essence of the story. The plot needs better infrastructure and a stronger ecosystem that can support this fantastic story. So, some serious study of profiles, situations and description of various scenarios would have made the book more wholesome.

Astrid – how does she look like??

She is 13 years, that much I know.

But is she tall? Fair or dark? slim or plump ?? brown or blue eyed?? Straight haired or an unruly mop ? serious or a mischievous face  ?
And i am sure she has an attitude!!

And what about her sister and her 3 friends. How do they look like? What are their unique habits & idiosyncrasies if any?  Does any of them  lisp or stutter or roll their rr’s ??

Is there any likeness (even remote) to any of kids in SP ?? and wouldn’t that be awesome??

I am unable to visualize them.

And I am unable to establish an emotional connect with these characters. So, I cannot feel their thrills, their anxiety, their excitement and their fears.

And so is the case with the Orphanage. What makes this orphanage so depressing and gloomy. (actually most of them are sad, no doubt). Remember Oliver Twist ??

and the other kids. How are they coping up? and how do they maintain their sanity??

And Madame Alva.  Does she look like an evil witch with a hooked nose??    

What is her background. How did she get to run this Orphanage? and where did all the children come from? Were they all abandoned in one go??

And many more questions…

And while I can go on with a few more ‘nice to have / good to have and great to have’  contents,  let me close with one last personal observation.

Good and well written stories are meant to entertain people. They must bring out emotions like joy, sorrow, elation, excitement and laughter.

Even in the most hopeless situation there can be an element of humor to lighten the sad mood. And it adds character to the story. So, some more light hearted humor could have spiced up this book.

And in my opinion you write a book to connect with people .

And you are not writing a piece as a school project to score marks.

And you are not writing to win a literary award & a  Pulitzer (unless that is the sole  intention).

So, its best to have simple words everywhere and refrain from using oft repeated and hackneyed expressions.  At times they appear jarring to me.

Best is to invent and develop your own unique expressions and phrases!!

‘and the last to come is a rotten broccoli’, I liked that!!

And I am glad that many other folks have downloaded this book and would be in various stages of completion.

I would be very interested in their feedback too.

And to Mihika ..

Initially it was tough for me to tune my mind to the frequencies of a 10-year-old. 

But after the first 30 pages, I became younger and it was fun reading it all until the end!!

Take Care and God Bless.

Krish..