The Gillette always wins! My experiments with growing a beard.

An observant eye in Sobha Palladian commented:

I once saw Venki with a luxuriant beard

And now I see Venki without it

Sad, isn't it ??

The Gillette ultimately won after all!!

Venki = Our most popular and respected Chief of Sobha Palladian. He also double hats as the Secretary of the SPOA Management Committee.

At a dominating 54% global market share (which was at 70% in 2010) P&G’s Gillette is ruthless.

And Venki’s beard had no chance at all!

My experiments with growing a beard…

Ours is a very conservative middle class South Indian family .
And all men have been clean shaven – since generations ..
Probably ever since our early ancestors managed to chop off their beard with a well sharpened stone axe !
So, mustache, beard, french beard and even side-burns have been a taboo !

And to my grand dad, early morning shave was as serious a ritual as performing  his surya namaskaram and morning poojas.

While he took cold water bath, his shaving cup had to be filled with piping hot water.

And he would squat on the floor ceremoniously, a small stool in front held the mirror and the hot water and the dark brown & black haired brush with a wooden handle, Godrej shaving round  and a Gillette shaving razor and a pack of Wilkinson safety blades (7 O’ Clock and Topaz being the other brands). 

You turn the bottom end of the razor handle and the top opens up. And you carefully place the blade in between and close. You could also adjust the shaving angle by setting the calibrated band at the neck.

Grand dad would shave methodically, clean up all the spills with his Malayalam thundu (towel), wipe the edge of the blade carefully and wrap it back in its butter paper cover and then the main cover. He would then add a notch on the edge of the cover paper to record the number of shaves completed.

Once the life of the blade was over he would clean and wipe the blade again and then split into two and give it to us for sharpening our pencils!.

I am the only non conformist in our family and I demonstrated my lack of respect for such tradition right from the time a couple of hair strands started appearing on my chin…
A sad looking goatee in my teens, a healthier mustache in college and a smart beard during my post grad days amply demonstrated the rebellion in me.

However after taking up a serious job and getting married later on, all of this disappeared (including the rebellion part). 

A mustache though remained for a long time and at times it was luxuriant enough to challenge Graham Gooch, OBE ( the famous English cricketer ! )

And I tried many times to regrow a beard, over the past many years, but never could succeed. Too much family pressure and job related challenges guaranteed infant mortality to all my initiatives . Each time, my beard growth strategy survived between 15 days to max of 60 days before it got guillotined by the Gillette !!

You cannot imagine the pressure and the emotional blackmail that I go thru each time. And sadly I do not have a fair, handsome and ‘Raymond Man’ type of personality. So an unshaven cheek makes me look real dukhi (sickly). And sometimes I felt it too!

First week people look at you suspiciously.

Once after a weekend of growth, on a Monday morning, I walk in to the office and my boss thinks I have still not recovered from the TGIF hangover and suggests, “would you like to take the day off, Krish?”.

“No, thanks Ravi, I am trying to grow  a beard”, I answer.

My admin assistant is extra nice. She walks in with a cup of coffee for me and asks, “how are you feeling?” and I reply, “Perfect, Vandana! lets get down to business, shall we?”

At home, after a week of steady growth, my family cannot stand it any more.

After a few polite requests they declare war. The silent treatment, the banters, the sarcastic remarks, ‘ Today is jumma (Friday), aren't you going to the masjid??’, ‘Did you get that call from Dawood?’, and those off handed comments  and many subtle insults get heaped on me.

My grand mom is the worst affected and makes a desperate appeal . Krishna, this is all not right. We are not supposed to keep beard in our family, also we have old people at home and keeping a beard is inauspicious. It signifies a bereavement in our family (on such occasions pious Brahmans do not shave for 10 days until the final shradh).

And visitors and relatives are the worst.

Many even thought that I was recovering from some serious illness and offered sympathetic nod.

They would politely ask, “have your recovered ?” & “would you like to go back and rest”

One uncle from Chennai even ventured to diagnose my illness when  he asked “ Jaandissaaa??” (do you have Jaundice??)

Surviving the first 2 weeks is a challenge and life gets a little better after.

And I hit pay dirt once. This single act made all my miseries worthwhile. (pay dirt = unexpected bonanza, reward)

During one of my morning walks, I took one of the routes that pass by a busy bus stand. As I approached a group of early travelers, I noticed a distinguished looking old man in spotless white kurta, a white flowing beard and wearing an embroidered taqiyah ( Muslim cap ) . And I got nearer, our eyes met and he instantly pronounced “Salam Aleikum”. He had assumed I was one of Allah’s faithfuls too.
Pleasantly surprised, I returned back the greetings,  'As-Salaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullah (Peace and Allâh's Mercy be on you).' and added ‘aapka safr acha guzare’ .

Ad that kept me high for a couple of days.

Until…

I had to make a trip to the US to present the India Initiative Plan to the Senior & Exec VPs.

And I chickened out.

And my Gillette had the last laugh!

The Gillette always wins!!

Krish..